Date:	2005-08-17 10:06
Subject:	Bitching
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy
Music:	Velvet Goldmine - Tumbling Down

Sitting at the job club, feeling like a stupid, useless bitch. I mean, it's not that I don't want to work, I do. Maybe I'm not putting enough effort into it, and maybe I should give myself a good shove more often. Yes, I could really do with that. I'm lazy and unproductive, and while some of that can be explained by medical condition, I've never really approved of blaming medical conditions for lack of success in your life.

But pardon me for not feeling particularly inclined to take a physically straining full-time job when I know I still have to be fit enough for 5 hours of evening school. I know that other people do that. Hell, I know there are people with two, three jobs out there, and wow for them, but I just can't do it. I know that I can't. I've spent half a year of my life sick because I bit off more than I could chew, and I'm not prepared to do that again. And I'm not prepared to place school in second place, because right now, completing my education is a top priority for me, and work simply a neccessity.

I just wish they wouldn't make you feel so useless. I can do a great job of gnawing on my own self-confidence on my own, I don't really need other people to do that for me.

Sorry for the bitching, I'll write more later or tomorrow, but I just had to get some of that off my chest.

Hello all,

well, I've had the most wonderful weekend (and I have to wait for boring hours at the job club to write about it, sorry me...).

A friend of my sister's and me is on a pagan board in the net, and invited us to their board outing, and we gladly accepted. Even though we weren't on the board (though now we're both going to sign up...) we were welcomed whole-heartedly, which was in itself a wonderful feeling. It was also great to go camping again, with people you can talk to without them looking at you as if you'd sprouted a tail and a second head *g*. And I *especially* enjoyed the opportunity to play my guitar and sing again with a crowd of people round the campfire, which, thankfully, went over very well.

Well, now, sitting at the job club, I only wish I was still there *sigh*. Gosh, you must think I'm a real bum, because I seem to be writing lj entries at the job club, but not looking for a job... oh, well, I mean, I have full internet access at home, and since I check for job offers at home all the time, I don't really know what I'm even doing here (other than assuring the people of the job club that I'm not illegaly working, or something.)

On another (spoiler-free) note, I finally managed to obtain a copy of HP:HBP, though I haven't started reading yet. Well, actually I have, got to page thirty or so, and then decided to read through the series again first... I wonder whether book 6 will do *anything* at all to lift my writer's block that I seem to be carrying with me ever since book 5 *reminding herself of unfinished story*.

Until then, take care everyone,
Reija

Date:	2005-07-20 09:19
Subject:	Job Clubs, frightened dogs and weekend plans
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored
Music:	Mercedes Lackey - Songs from Vanyel's Time

Once again at the Job Club.... and bored out of my skin. The night before last night was hell, because there was a thunderstorm, and my white shepherd dog decided to share my bed (being so frightened that pushing him off again achieved next to nothing). Well, fine with me, as long as it's just durin thunderstorms, and just by my side, but he also has the terrible habit of trying to crawl onto my pillow - even while I'm still on it. An absolute nuisance.

And I didn't get too much sleep last night, so I'm sitting here not only bored, but bored and tired and wishing I was still in bed.

I still haven't read HBP, so I'm skipping any lj entries having to do with it, in fear of being spoiled. It happened with OP, where someone (not on lj, but in a mailing list) was stupid enough to post a message reading "X is Dead!!!!" with no spoiler warning at all (I mean, how inconsiderate can you be?), so I'm taking no chances this time. I expect to be disappointed by the book, as I was last time, but until then I want any- and everything to be a surprise, so there.

I'm also looking forward to my weekend camping. A friend of my sister's asked both of us to join her at a forum outing, and as it's mostly pagan types I'm quite looking forward to a weekend of interesting discussions and music... let's hope that I'm not getting my hopes up too high.

I'm also still late in replying to emails, since I haven't gotten around to transferring my offline reader to my mum's PC since mine broke down. Well, what can I say, I'm a lazy bitch, but at least I know it.

Until then, tata,
Reija

Date:	2005-07-13 11:50
Subject:	I was a teenage boy....
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	Meat Loaf - Bat out of Hell

... in my dream this night. I mean, I'm not too bad at dream interpretation, but this one was truly too weird for words. First off, which isn't really weird yet, I was a teenage boy, one of a pair of twins. We frequently shopliftet at a drugstore (which, strangely, also sold speakers and music equipment and had an inbuilt stage), and one day, we were caught by the shopowner (stealing cigars, of all things.)

Instead of calling the coppers, however, he (for some reason of his own) decided to give us a chance working for him. But, while he was in another part of the shop, my brother persuaded me to steal from him big time (a plastic sack with about a hundred cigars in it, a thing which I'm sure you won't find in a drugstore). We were, of course, caught. In the meantime, however, I had fallen in love with his assistant, who was a duck, a female one, who tended shop with her sister (or, at least, another female duck that looked exactly the same).

The part that follows is a bit fuzzy, but I remember there was a magic show on the stage, and it involved a character from my little niece's TV program, "Little Bear" (cat, who, unsurprisingly, is a cat). My ducky girlfriend was upset with me for breaking her confidence, and I tried - unsucessfully - to apologise on the stage durin the magic show. I actually think she was about to forgive me, but her sister dragged her away through the (now, suddenly) crowded room.

I later snuck in front of her room (which she shared eith her sister), and knocked. I heard voices from inside - my duck girlfriend and her sister. My girlfriend was certain it was me, and wanted to let me in, but her sister told her to never see me again. Discouraged, I snuck away, but suddenly heard a tapping sound from her door, and ran back. She was standing there, hiding her eyes behind her wings (thus, not seeing me).

At this point, my dog woke me up, which is kind of annoying, on the other hand, I hardly ever remember dreams when woken up by the alarm clock, so I probably have him to thank for remembering this stuff at all (since the alarm clock went off five minutes later.)

Well, as I said, I know a bit about dream interpretation myself, but I'm totally lost on this one. Any suggestions, anyone?

So much for now, tata,
Reija

Date:	2005-07-07 12:36
Subject:	Another year survived
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	Rocky Horror Picture Show Orig. Soundtrack

Well, another year - and another birthday - survived. I was a bit moody yesterday, because only one of my close friends remembered my birthday, and while I'm not really bitchy about birthdays, it is kind of depressing to be completely ignored or forgotten.

But, my mood is better now, since I just came from a job interview that went - I think - quite well. It's not an ideal job, because it's very low in pay (only being counted as practical experience and not as a real job), but after the interview I hope I'll get the job anyway, because it seemed to be very much what I am looking for, and since I don't have to pay for ernt or food - just for schooling - I'd much rather have a job I like going to than one that pays better but pisses me off or bores me.

Take care,
Reija

Date:	2005-07-01 09:43
Subject:	Back from Elseworlds?
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic

Well, maybe. I don't know. It's been a funny year - and it's actually been almost that long since I updated here. I guess I had too much on my mind... or not enough. It's all kind of fuzzy. I guess I also broke contact with lots of people who deserve better, and closed myself away from those I couldn't avoid. Aw, hell. Anyway, it's been a funny year. I decided to move to England last fall, and went there as an aupair, just to find yet another thing I suck at. Well, maybe that, or just a bad choice in family. End of story, I'm back at my parents since January, and burned up all my potter for moving to England. Great.

It's funny living with your parents again, when you've been living alone for any amount of time. Comfortable, yes, I won't deny that, but decidedly strange. Especially when your dad tells you to tidy up. And it's goddamn awful to have everything you do looked into again, scrutinized.

But then, don't have a choice, really. I'm going back to school next schoolyear (after 5 years out), and, after paying for schooling, won't have enough money to pay for my own living, except for the unlikely possibility of finding a well-paying job I can do despite school hours of 5 - 9.30pm and despite having no real qualifications.

But, no matter, life has it's ups and downs, and I'll at least enjoy going back to school (who would've thought I'd ever be saying that...)

Until next time,
Reija

Date:	2004-08-12 06:00
Subject:	One day I will burn in hell...
Security:	Public
Mood:	guilty

Well, I would, probably, if I believed in such a thing. I was just reading copperbadge's excellent story "Laocoon's Children", when I stumbled upon the following passage:

"Lupin, ironwood, twelve and a quarter inches, bit on the skinny side -- unicorn hair. An unusual wand for an unusual young man, eh?"

Harry flinched slightly at the sudden sound, but Remus smiled and touched his shoulder reassuringly as an elderly man stepped out from the rows, pale eyes shining like moons through the gloom of the shop.

"Yes, Mr. Ollivander," he answered, calmly. "Given me good service, it has."

"Oh yes? Let's see how you've served it, then," Ollivander replied, holding out a dry, callused palm. Remus took his wand out of his pocket and laid it in the older man's hand. Ollivander appeared to weigh it, examined one end and then the other, slid his fingers along its length, and gave a satisfied grunt.

"Always said you'd be a man to take care of your wand," he said approvingly. "Could do with a bit of polish, but in the end that's just appearances."

At the last paragraph, I ended up in tears, madly clutching my stomach because I was laughing so hard. *sigh* It might be because I'm suffering from sleep-deprivation, it might be because it's 6 am, it might be because I've seen the word "wand" as an allusion to something else too many times.

Nevertheless, I find this worrying.

Thanks again to everyone who commented on my songs - it really means a lot to me!

Date:	2004-08-11 03:09
Subject:	My Sirius/Remus songs recorded and available for download!
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished
Music:	Well, guess ;)

I've been a busy one today... I've just spent the past 6 1/2 hours recording the four Sirius/Remus songs/filks I have up to now. Three of them are my own work (music & lyrics), one (Porcelain) was written as a poem by Anna on The SBRL Yahoo group almost exactly 2 years ago (lyrics used with permission, she graciously allowed me to create and sing my song version). All four will, one distant day, be part of my Sirius/Remus "musical", as soon as I have the means and opportunity to record them more professionally, the additional singer (s?) I'll need and of course the rest of the songs to make this a full size CD.

All of them were recorded by me, using the freeware program Audacity. If you need a freeware programm for recording sounds, try this. It's the best freeware one I've found up to now, and very simple to use, with comprehensive online help.

Warning! The songs are of a very mediocre quality, since I'm using a very cheap microphone stuck to the guitar with sticky tape and a cheap soundcard. Also, I'm very dissatisfied with my singing, since I had to sing very, very gently, because otherwise the microphone would garble the sound, so don't expect too much.

I'm posting the links and lyrics on my read comments page to save space. Music hosted at my own webspace without mainpage, so use "right click" -> "save target as" to download. All in mp3 format.

( Werewolf )

( Where the wild roses grew )

( Porcelain )

( Black Silk on White Velvet )

Comments, good or bad, are very much appreciated! Feel free to tell as many friends as you like about these songs, but please direct them here instead of just passing the music on, or at the very least give them the link together with the music. I'll put this entry into my Memories anyway, so everyone should be able to find it again.

The songs are all copyrighted material! Reproduction on data mediums such as CD-Roms, Music CDs, Tape, etc. without written permission is prohobited. Archiving without written permission or sharing over file sharing networks is prohibited. Singing at private gatherings is allowed and welcome - guitar chords can be obtained by asking. Private (!) storing on your hard disk (not in shared folders!) is allowed. Sorry if I sound mean, but I'm a little strict when it comes to my music.

*licks fingers sore from 6 hours of playing a steel string guitar with few breaks.*

EDIT:
I noticed from a post that some people might for some reason or other wish to make a backup of these files. You may save these files on a CD-Rom or other data medium, provided it is purely for back up reason and personal usage. You are not allowed to make data medium copies for other people or lend your backup CD to other people.

Date:	2004-08-09 01:35
Subject:	Gah, my ear has just melted and fell off...
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

... but in a good way ;) I don't know, sometimes I shun people for weeks, and then all of a sudden I transform into a phoneoholic. I've just talked for hours with a good friend of mine on the other end of Germany, after spending *seven hours* on the phone last night with my sister (and despite the fact that I'm visiting her in a week's time anyway, though I wasn't sure about that yet yesterday, to be fair to myself). Does anyone know that? How can you completely fail to notice that seven bloody hours have just passed?

I'm getting fed up and bored with Hamburg (where I live, large city in the north of Germany)... I'll have to move sometime soon or explode. *sigh* I'm hoping my sister won't get fed up with me and still actually consider moving together. Love her to pieces, not to mention my little niece.

I've also finally found the CD-Rom with my image editing software, which means I now have three freshly made userpics to show around *cheer*. Have a look if you like at http://www.livejournal.com/allpics.bml?user=reija_linn .

Apart from that, the creativity is still refusing to come back to me.

Date:	2004-08-06 17:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated

Life. Is. Not. Fair. *howl*

For the uptenth time in more than a year I'm trying to continue with a fic already partially written and posted, and *fully planned*. I know where it started out. I know what's happened, what's happening, what's bloody *going* to happen, how it's going to end (well, largely). I know all that. And still I can't seem to get the darn thing written.

Kris (or indeed anyone else who showed an interest at SBRL but her particularly), if you ever read this, I'm really, really trying to get "Wanting, Waiting, Waiving" together again, but this fic is just sooooooo frustrating.

Sorry, but I had to get this out of my system after sitting in front of a blank screen for fifty minutes getting all kinds of thoughts *not* related to the fic.

Well, I've found my first mutual friend on LJ, admittedly by stalking writers of Disworld fanfiction to their livejournals and adding them to my friends list - Thanks, Jinxster! If you like slash, check out her cool Vimes/Carrot stuff by following her link on my friends page.

What else is new? Well, not much. I got thouroughly pissed celebrating Lughnasad (a celtic fest) on Sunday, read a lot of abhorently bad fanfiction and occasionally some very good ones, and am still (since about a year or more) trying to get back into writing fanfiction. I'm racking my brain about writing a Discworld one myself after reading a lot of them, but can't seem to get the style right.

Actually, I'm feeling a bit of a naff writing this, since there's no one to read anything I write yet... However, on the off-chance...

I've finally created one of these Livejournal thingamebobs myself, after suspiciously regarding them for a while. But then, I used to suspiciously regard yahoo groups, back when it was mostly newsgroups, and forums, when I finally got used to the yahoo groups. Since my curiosity has always been slightly larger than my sceptism when it comes to new features, however, here I am.

More info about me on my profile page.